Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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