Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
