So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
