is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
