Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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