Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
