The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
