I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
be right there i have to get my cape
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
