sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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