They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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