i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
