My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
