I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
