the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
