She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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