So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
