All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
