If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
