Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So much rum. So many feels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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