Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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