He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize