you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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