nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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