I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
