I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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