she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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