Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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