This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
