Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
