if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
