been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
