Someone shit on the floor
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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