I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
