once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
