shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
