my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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