she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
