my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
