I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
