Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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