i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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