Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize