Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
