I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God I need to hump something, right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize