How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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