I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
