It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
