I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
