She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
