My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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