how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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