omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
