Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
