Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
