Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
