Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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