my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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