it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
