I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
