If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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